festive to festering

The Christmas period has come and gone and what is left but the old bits of turkey festering in the back of my fridge as well as the stale cake that i brought home from my mothers. is it me or do we all start to loose the festive feeling when we get past a certain age and do we only regain that feeling when we have children of our own. iv never really enjoyed Christmas for a long time and always been called a bit of a Grinch but yet i think i forget what is good about Christmas, is it the getting together of family, sharing gifts and showing your love to loved ones, or for many who choose the religious life its about that book and the characters in it.
for me we should spend time with family throughout the year and always show those who you love that they are loved and as for the gift thing its to stressful so why bother? you will more than likely get it wrong unless they pick it and that ruins the surprise.
most of my festive period which was only three days, was spend over indulging on the liquid variety but taking to to see my family and sick grandmother who i love dearly.
unfortunately my grandmother is unwell, and just very recently she suffered a stroke which has left her very still. prior to this i visited her in hospital, she didn't want to be mithered over Christmas and as part of her own choice she decided to stay in hospital Christmas day, this i wasn't so happy about but yet what can you do.
after i was told of her stroke which happened three days ago i found myself filled with guilt and anger not only with myself but others too. where there things i could have done or should i have tried harder to get her to come out of hospital over Christmas. the thing is ill never know no but it is some thing that's plays on my mind day to day.