Jacqui does Parliment

Getting busted for watching porn is every teenage boy’s nightmare but I’m sure this tops the bill. Not only do you get busted by your horse faced wife but the rest of the country gets to know that the home secretary is married to a dirty old perv. Oh dear oh dear what’s next for our labour government, David Miliband caught sniffing his mothers knickers perhaps?

Where has the Green Belt Gone?

After the millions that have been spent on the great city of Liverpool you would think it was a perfect place to live, from the inside looking out you only see more and more derelict and boarded up houses. House built in the early 1900’s to house families for many generations but it seems that the Liverpool as well as other cities in the UK, have become less desirable to live in and so people move away. And where do these people go? Out to more rural areas and being a boy from the country I don’t blame them, but at what cost?

Today the government propose to build cheap housing on our green belt, a place that was protected by law to conserve our small towns and villages and more importantly the countryside. The government will force councils to give in to shitty housing contractors in return for money handouts through the economic crisis. Could this labour government destroy this country any more that they feel it necessary to destroy what’s left of our countryside too? Surely once they burst through the belts the filth will continue to flow.

The names Suleman, Sajad Suleman

Reading a post on Thud’s blog reminded me of an article on the train this morning. I’m sure that most have fantasised about being 007 from time to time, watching those early Sean Connery films or the latest Daniel Craig. Anyway when the film ends so does the fantasy, well that’s what usually happens….well not for this guy. The fact that he doesn’t fit the job description in any way what’s so ever means he can sue MI5 for discrimination, and because our government have a shortage of bollocks due to Gordon Brown gargling them all the time he will surely be paid off with a huge sum to be used in what ever way he feels fit.

Whats that I smell??

When will we realise that we have a serious problem here in the UK. I’m not condoning the war in Iraq or Afghanistan but I am proud of our troops out there giving their lives to do something right. There was a time when this country loved its armed forces, respected them for protecting us from the evils of the world, to be a soldier for your country was noble thing and you earned the respect of your fellow country men. And as I see it an attack on our forces is an attack on the country itself.
So when I see this surely its clear that these people don’t want to be here, live in this country and prosper like many other people have. Really come on please Britain wake up and smell the burning Union Jacks.

What would you do?

Here's a question for you....

One of the individuals shouts to tell you that there are flames coming from the back of the TV in the main lounge. There are eight individuals in the lounge; two are very confused, three are mobile but walk very slowly, one is in a wheelchair, one has a walking frame and the other is blind.

How do you deal with this situation?

That bloody space saver!

It seems that we have all unwittingly become victims of the dreaded spare wheel at least once in our driving lives, some more than most. But it use to be that after the whole saga of changing a wheel in the dark wet night we could at least feel happy that the tyre replacement was of the same size and shape and that normal driving would resume. However, cars have changed profoundly in the past few years and not that they have become smaller but bolder in size with all their protection even the interiors become larger even though we now have more toys, cd players, TV’s, electric seats and masses upon masses of airbags. After all this when it comes to the spare wheel, it’s been dramatically redesigned to what can only be described as a moped wheel. Yes the space saver, the guy who thought this up and sacrificed the normal wheel for space to fit your golf clubs wants a serious slap. Since the drama of Friday night where Tenbellies experienced her very first flat tyre (Monkey was in the pub, on his second Pint Jekyll’s Gold) and the whole saga of changing the wheel which took a day due to another stupid invention called the locking nut. We are now driving around with a space saver until the garage opens on Monday. The problem is that it not only restricts you to driving like a granny, taking corners at walking speed in fear that the wheel would shear off. But also the effect it has on your brakes, as your foot presses the pedal your ass cheeks squeeze so very tightly, petrified that you’re not going to stop more so the ABS works over time as it struggles to get use to this pathetic excuse for a tyre. Some things should just be left alone and the spare tyre is one of them. Next job to show Tenbellies how to change a wheel, now this should interesting.

Jade Goody, Michael Jackson and Sir Fred Goodwin sitting in a boat.

The posts have been a little light of late, but I have been a very busy man. Well more the opposite really but anyway things have been very progressive on the career front as I move away from the dreaded agency work and receive a full time contract so I must be doing some thing right. This may be a long one.

Anyway let’s get to the rant, now I said to myself that I wouldn’t litter my blog with the story of Jade Goody and her cancer but it’s become to much for me to contain and shouting at the TV is starting to piss tenbellies right off so it’s to the keyboard. Jade Goody the queen of reality TV, sold her soul to the devil when she threw away all dignity to be in the public eye and to get rich. She has been critisied and slagged off many times and even called a racist but yet again her life is splattered every where as if it’s the most important story to break in years. To get it out the way yes it’s a shame she has Cancer and is dying but so are other people, this unbelievable excuse to stay in the eye until she dies just so her kids has abetter future is complete bollocks. Her children are pretty much set for life as they live in a multi million pound house with millions in the bank. Surely her closest and loyal friend MAX CLIFFORD!! Has nothing to do with extorting her for his own greedy ways. So we have had the wedding, the documentary and now she wants her soul back before she pops her clogs. Its seems the public loves her now and she is hero for what she is going through but I ask why, why is she a hero? What has she done apart from annoy a large majority of the country. For gods sake please hurry up and let us relax in peace.

Second on the list is Michael Jackson, yes this dirty freaky pedo will be hitting the stage again for what he says to be his very last time. The show is expected to gross £250 million and fans are already signing up for the tickets. Maybe we should think about getting Gary Glitter to do the warm up for him and finish the show off with collaboration. Would you let your child run on stage and fall at his feet as he pretends to be some sort of god? I’m sure many out there are ready to give up their kids for the chance to rub shoulders with mister plastic.

And last but not least Sir Fred Goodwin, should he give up his £700,000 a year pension? Would you? No exactly and why should he a deal is a deal and instead of focusing it all on him maybe we should look more to our government who in the process of getting rid of Sir Fred after the fall of RBS would sign any contract and any deal for a quick result to please the press. Oh how that failed Lord Myners signed the deal therefore he should be the one to pay. Sir Fred did his job for many years making the government billions and they were happy but as they pressured him to take the risks he took one too many and the bank went bust. We all made this economy but our government; our Labour government are the ones that brought it crashing to its Knees. Blair knew this when he did a runner and left Bum Boy Brown in charge, its pretty clear now that Blair really didn’t like Brown.