The Path to Happiness
The end of a week and the end of a very difficult year. Today i formally resigned, something that i had been thinking about for a few months or maybe and honestly since taking the position this time last year.
Temptation is a very dangerous thing in all contexts, but for me it was to jump into my profession running, accepting a position that i had doubted and lacked confidence in but yet the thought of security and a good salary persuaded me to take my eye of what i really wanted. As a result i found myself nearly losing everything i had worked for.
I always work very hard at anything that i do but its incredible how the sub conscious mind works when deep down inside you really want something different, it can take control and you find yourself holding back and maybe not doing all that you can because your heart is not in it. As a Teacher this can not happen and unfortunately it happened to me.
So today i told my colleagues that to rescue my career and give me back control of what i want to do in an area that excites me i would have to leave, this being an extremely difficult decision and an emotional one at that, but the right one and as i sit here i feel sad that on Monday i have to say goodbye to my kids.
Its been hard, i felt ashamed, scared, incompetent, a failure, sadness and a let down, but slowly i am starting to calm and right now a certain excitement at the thought of something new and very right.This feeling of relief feels wrong but i can now pursue what i set out to do and this kind of passion can only lead me onto the true path to happiness.
I am blessed that my personal life is very happy with great friends and family but most of all my partner (Tenbelllies) who dealing with a stressful time as well supports me through what is happening and brings out the positive in what could be seen as a very negative situation.
So tomorrow i take my first step as i apply for two new jobs only the difference this time is that my hands are steady and i can feel my confidence coming back.
Temptation is a very dangerous thing in all contexts, but for me it was to jump into my profession running, accepting a position that i had doubted and lacked confidence in but yet the thought of security and a good salary persuaded me to take my eye of what i really wanted. As a result i found myself nearly losing everything i had worked for.
I always work very hard at anything that i do but its incredible how the sub conscious mind works when deep down inside you really want something different, it can take control and you find yourself holding back and maybe not doing all that you can because your heart is not in it. As a Teacher this can not happen and unfortunately it happened to me.
So today i told my colleagues that to rescue my career and give me back control of what i want to do in an area that excites me i would have to leave, this being an extremely difficult decision and an emotional one at that, but the right one and as i sit here i feel sad that on Monday i have to say goodbye to my kids.
Its been hard, i felt ashamed, scared, incompetent, a failure, sadness and a let down, but slowly i am starting to calm and right now a certain excitement at the thought of something new and very right.This feeling of relief feels wrong but i can now pursue what i set out to do and this kind of passion can only lead me onto the true path to happiness.
I am blessed that my personal life is very happy with great friends and family but most of all my partner (Tenbelllies) who dealing with a stressful time as well supports me through what is happening and brings out the positive in what could be seen as a very negative situation.
So tomorrow i take my first step as i apply for two new jobs only the difference this time is that my hands are steady and i can feel my confidence coming back.
5 comments:
Sounds like a good decision, best of luck in your new venture!
Enjoy summer!
Good luck and Godspeed Monkey. I made a career change from being an attorney to become a college professor 10 years ago. My income potential has dropped -- though we're doing just fine -- even in SoCal, but I love my job, my students, etc.
Job satisfaction is one of the keys to happiness. If you're happy Tenbellies (what is the meaning of the name or nickname -- he asked ignorantly, but sincerely) will be too -- odds on and vice versa of course. Sounds like you're taken the leap -- now don't look down!
Thanks for your comments guys and gals.
Now that i have an even longer summer i will surely enjoy every day. Roll on San Francisco.
Tennbellies is my nickname for my partner as she likes her food especially crips (chips), and for her very tiny size, i often wonder where she puts it.
Hence, ten bellies.
Tenbellies... excellent. Better than Fiveasses I wager.
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